Basic Bitch Pie


By Julianna Dubendorff

basic bitch pie

Easiness: ✭✭✫✫  Dorm-Friendliness: ✭✫✫✫

Do you get butterflies in your stomach when you see that Starbucks’ PSLs (Pumpkin Spice Lattes) have returned? Do you feel joy when you begin to see pumpkin spice everything displayed at the supermarket? Do you count down the days of summer until you can wear your boots and sweaters? Then this pie is for you. It has it all: a pumpkin spice Oreo crust, chai latte cheesecake and spice cake layers, and a festive cinnamon-dusted mini-marshmallow topping. Welcome to fall, bitches.

*Can be consumed by non-basic bitches. Does not cause or contribute to Basic Bitch Syndrome.

5 tbsp. butter
25 pumpkin spice Oreos


  1. Melt butter and crush (in food processor or blender) Oreos.
  2. Mix Oreo crumbs into melted butter.
  3. Press into pie pan.
  4. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 minutes.

1 8 oz. package of cream cheese
1/3 cup granulated sugar
Dash of salt
½ teaspoon vanilla
1 large egg
1/3 heavy whipping cream
½ tbsp. chai mix


  1. Cream room temperature cream cheese until soft.
  2. Add sugar and cream until smooth again.
  3. Add salt and vanilla and beat after each.
  4. Add egg, beat one minute, or till smooth.
  5. Add whipping cream and whisk till smooth.
  6. Pour into the pre-baked crust so that the bottom of the crust is covered and the cheesecake is approximately ½ an inch deep (around half of the height of the total pie).
  7. Bake in a 325 degree oven for 50 to 60 minutes, or until the cheesecake is just golden. Remove from oven.

1/3 spice cake mix
1 egg
1/3 cup water
1/9 cup oil


  1. Prepare 1/3 of a spice cake mix according to box directions.
  2. Cover the baked cheesecake with the cake batter. Use enough so that the batter is just under the top line of the crust.
  3. Bake at 325 degrees for 20-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of the pie comes out clean.

Mini marshmallows


  1. Cover the top of the cake with marshmallows, making sure they are covering the majority of the cake.
  2. Put back in oven until they begin to brown.
  3. Push the individual marshmallows down and together so that you can’t see any cake.
  4. Sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg, or with pumpkin spice if you’re just that basic.

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